@PixelGeek does it again. Nelson brilliantly realized that I had custom cookie settings in Chrome that were preventing the cookies from working properly, preventing the Editor from working properly.
Is Nelson amazing? Well, in one word: yes. Now, you might be asking yourselves: is Nelson the best person ever in the history of the universe? Well, that, too, yes.
Webflow Support strikes again. 10/10, would recommend, A+++. Shout out to @sabanna for stepping me through the process (thank you!) and @VladimirVitaliyevich for responding as well.